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“I’d think, ‘No one talks about it in the sport, how do I suddenly say I’m gay? I can’t because I’m admitting that I broke the law in the Army’.”įeeling desperate, she cut herself with scissors before the 2003 World Championships finals in France.
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“When I got injured or ill I would cry all the time because all I needed to do was get back running, because if I didn’t get back running my brain was just going mad,” she says. Sport had long helped her cope with the strain of hiding her sexuality.īut by 2003, aged 33, she was plagued with injuries and her mental health plummeted. Kelly, who still lives in Kent, dated a woman between the ages of 27 and 32, but broke it off in 2002 so she could focus on the Athens Olympics. Kelly says: “I was thinking ‘oh s***’, I was in bits about telling them. It coincided with her leaving the Army to pursue international athletics full-time. The rest of her family were supportive when she came out to them in person in 1997. “How can who you feel connected with affect whether you can fire a weapon, be on the front line, take a physical training instructor class?” “Those moments stuck with me because I didn’t want to lose my job, I loved it. You feel violated, treated like you’re some massive villain. “It’s humiliating, it’s degrading – it feels disrespectful when you’re serving your country and you’re doing a good job. She was left terrified, recalling: “They pulled everything out of your cupboard, turned out the beds and drawers, read letters – everything – trying to catch us out, so we could be arrested, court martialled and potentially go to jail. When she was 23, Kelly’s quarters were searched by Royal Military Police in a check which she believed was to root out secret lesbians. You could be yourself, then come back to your barracks.”ĭame Kelly Holmes opened up to the Sunday Mirror. “There was this pub that had a back dance floor and a pool table and everyone we knew was gay used to go to this place. “Everyone knew who was gay, but you’d never talk about it,” she says. Kelly had secret relationships with other female soldiers during 10 years in the Army – risking court martial if they got caught. I was confused and a bit scared of what it meant and nervous to tell him. She adds: “I said I met a girl and I don’t know what to do.
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It felt more natural, I felt comfortable.” Kelly wrote to her stepdad – whom she has always thought of as her father after her real dad walked out when she was a baby – to explain what had happened. She signed up to the Women’s Royal Army CorpsĪ fellow soldier kissed her at the bathroom block and, says Kelly: “I realised I must be gay then, because it felt good. Dame Deborah James raises £1m for cancer through In The Style clothing lineīut things changed when she joined the Forces in 1988, a month before her 18th birthday.Iceland's 1lb Big Daddy cheeseburger is almost ruined by one thing.And back then, school sex education was nothing to do with being gay.” Read More Related Articles I didn’t have any role models in anything like that. She says: “It was an era where the stigma of homosexuality was really bad because of the AIDS epidemic. Yet, for Kelly, sexuality wasn't even on her radar when she dated boys as a teenager in Hildenborough, Kent. One problem, Kelly says, is that the more famous she became, the harder it was to come out. They haven’t been in this fearful world with me for 34 years.”
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Of previous partners, she adds: “No disrespect to them, but the relationships have only been a small part of my life. She has a partner and, while she doesn’t want to give details, she smiles and says: “It’s the first time I’ve had someone who I don’t introduce as a PA or friend.” (Image: David Parry/PA Wire)įamily and close friends have known for years that Kelly is gay.